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January's Editor's Note
Blood Red Roses
By Cashana Seals (c) 2010 This was supposed to be a wonderful evening of celebration and now it has turned into so much more. The beauty of him makes me crave all of him. Yet, sometimes it is the ugly I sometimes reminisce about. He would bring my favorite blood red roses and he reminded me to get “it” ready when he called earlier. Of course I am excited about the prospect of the special homage my man is going to bestow on me tonight. Just the thought makes my heart beat faster and my palms sweat. He knows how to make me anticipate him. When he lowers the timber of his baritone voice and smoothly intimates what he wants, my whole body reverberates. All in anticipation. All in want. All in knowing my man loves me. Maybe tonight, Saint Valentine will grant me my one wish, a proposal, a commitment or just a mere token of love in 24k gold, sapphire and diamond that screams forever! No fancy restaurant or other commercialized token of the holiday, no siree. We will celebrate as we normally do every time we are together. Our love is our gift to each other, but I want the ultimate declaration and I just know it will happen tonight. My intuition tells me something grand, huge, and monumental will happen. I am just so giddy with anticipation. Time has almost gotten away from me. He’ll be here any minute now. I smell of his favorite fragrance. I am clothed in his favorite dress that accentuates my curves. My hair is full and free just like he likes it and it smells intoxicating, just for him. The music is a combination of romance, love and sexiness. The ambiance is sensual and inviting. The Champagne is chilling. I cannot wait for his embrace, his kiss and his promise of multiple orgasms. The doorbell rings. He is here. I check my appearance once more in the mirror before I yank the door open overly enthusiastically. He greets me with our usual kiss on the cheek and hands me the roses, which I bring immediately to my nose to inhale their intoxicating fragrance. Um, he smells divine. He asks about my day, which I answer affirmatively, but I am anxious for the big surprise. As we sit comfortably on the love seat, I notice he seems preoccupied or maybe he is just nervous. That is it. He is nervous. Then he turns towards me and grabs both my hands and looks directly in my eyes. I can feel his hands shaking. This is it! “You know I care about you, right? Well, I should have done this a long time ago, but I was scared and I didn’t want to upset the magic we had created. However, it is time for me to be a man and stand up for what is right. As much as I love sharing my heart with you nothing would please me more but for us to go to the next level.” At this point, my eyes are watering and my heart has swollen immensely as this beautiful man tells me he loves me and I know he is going to ask me to marry him. “I want to give you what I should have given you long before now. I love you, but I can’t marry you because I am already married. I should have told you before now, but…I just couldn’t. I am sorry. My wife is pregnant and I deserve to give our marriage a 100%. And you deserve the truth and freedom to find the man you deserve. Say something.” I looked again at this man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with and I don’t see the caring, loving and sensual person I loved. He has transformed into my worst nightmare. He is a monster. Grotesquely looking and deformed in my eyes. I close my eyes slowly as the tears fall because I have nothing to say. My night has been ruined. What was supposed to be romantic has turned into a horror flick. I feel my mind disconnecting and my eyes start to tick. Things get black… I sit here reminiscing about our relationship and when I fully open my eyes and can see clearly I realize something is definitely wrong. I look at my hands and they are blood stained and as I look around I know something bad has happened. My heart starts to beat and I start crying all over again. My blood red roses are scattered everywhere. Glass all over the hardwood floors and there lying in a pool of blood is my beloved. What happen I keep repeating over and over again. As I sit in a pool of blood, crying uncontrollably I realized I won’t be able to enjoy my roses this year.copyrighted 2010(c) Cashana Seals
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